May 22, 2009
So yesterday Ryder and I were watching a show on Animal Planet about a sanctuary for elephants. One of the elephants was pregnant and they showed the birth on the show (it was soooooooo very cool – I actually cried – which isn’t hard to believe b/c I cry over a lot of stuff). Anyways it was amazing to see this and they showed a lot – the water breaking, the blood on the ground, obviously the baby coming out. So that started the spanish inquisition….. why was there all that water? where is the dad? how are babies made? why was there blood? etc etc, etc. I didn’t think I would be having this convo so early but no time like the present!
It was actually good that he witnessed it in the animal kingdom. He is really into knowing all there is to know about different animals and why they do the things they do (like sharks biting people or eating sea lions) so this was a good introduction.
Well when he began the inquisition I wasn’t expecting it ( I guess when are you ever expecting anything when you have children) so I had to think quickly. He asked about the father and why he wasn’t there and of course I made some kind of comment like “well in the animal kingdom the father just comes in does his thing and then leaves the woman to raise the baby”. Probably shouldn’t have said it – but it is true for many animals. So then came, the ever popular, “why?” and “how does the daddy help make the baby?” I used an analogy I knew he could relate to….. cooking. We cook a lot together and in my head I was thinking about the sperm and the egg and how was I going to explain that but when the word egg popped into my head I immediately thought ingredients. So in our house this is how babies are made…. the daddy has some ingredients and so does the mama and they mix up their ingredients and put it in the mama where it cooks for 9 months and then the baby is ready to be born. He actually understood that and didn’t ask “why?” SUCCESS! I don’t like to make up stories – we tell Ryder the truth and don’t sugar coat too much but there are just some things that they can’t grasp and don’t really need to right now. But this wasn’t falsifying anything – it is pretty much what happens minus a couple words like intercourse, sperm, egg, fallopian tubes, etc.
I felt good about that explanation.
Then we moved on to the water breaking. My explanation/analogy was a water balloon and trying to get something out of the balloon. Again he totally got it.
This continued for about an hour. Sex ed at the age of 4 1/2. I do feel good about his understanding and me not overwhelming him (b/c I have been known to do that… example…. do not eat the mushrooms you see in the yard or out in the forest. “why?” Because they can kill you! Doug thought this was a bit too much but when Doug said “you can get sick” Ryder’s response was “well I can just take some medicine” so when I told him you can die – he got it – and then told his friends and teachers about it!
I hope if you encounter the inquisition my explanations may help you muttle through.
Have you been asked some crazy questions that you weren’t quite expecting yet? How did you respond?
February 23, 2008
There have been a couple co-workers having babies recently and it got me thinking about our birth experience with Saige and with Ryder. I just love to think back to those days. This time around with Saige was a bit different, my water didn’t break right away. I had lied down to take a nap with Ryder and started to have these weird feelings in my belly (since I had never experienced the slow onset of contractions I wasn’t fully sure what these were- thought possibly braxton hicks or maybe just gas- b/c I tend to be gassy with my pregnancies). So I continued to lay there but I called Doug just in case and told him he should probably come home ( I should preface this – with Ryder my water broke and 3 hours later he was born so I was a bit concerned about how fast Saige would come). Doug was hesitating a bit and I told him to just start wrapping things up and I would call him back in 20 minutes and see how the contractions were going. In the meantime one of my co-workers called me and she said these were contractions and to get off the phone. At that time I had finally realized – yes these were contractions because they were getting a bit stronger. So I told Doug to get home fast.
It’s hard the second time around because you have to figure out what to do with the toddler. We don’t have any family that live out here so we had to rely on friends and they all have jobs. Luckily my girlfriend was home that day and she came by to pick up Ryder until our other friend could get off of work and pick him up. So off went Ryder and off went mom and dad to the doctor’s office. Oh ya, back up a bit, I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for that day and I had called the office and they said to just come in a bit early and they would check to see if this was the real thing. At my last appointment I had vowed I was not going to be going to that appointment- that I would have already had the baby (she was a bit late and Ryder was 2 weeks early). As we drove to the doctor (which is 30 minutes away) the contractions began to get closer together (5 minutes apart) so we just went straight to the hospital.
I was only 3cm at the time so we started to walk the halls to move it along. My doctor was going to be coming by around 4:45 to break my water for me. While we waited, I sat on the birthing ball and Doug held his fist in my lower back ( oh ya, we were having back labor again) and we watched the cooking network (that didn’t last too long). Doug made me laugh so hard that my water broke all on its own. Then the real fun began…….
Within a matter of minutes the contractions really came on and so began the primal rituals of getting on all fours to relieve the pressure in my back and within 30 minutes or so the nurse told me to let her know when I needed to push and I think it was the next contraction when I said I’m going to start pushing and 3 pushes later out popped a beautiful baby girl (again delivered by the nurses- the doctor didn’t make it in time- same thing happened with Ryder).
It’s just such an amazing experience. I didn’t use any drugs for either births and am so happy to have experienced them that way. Ryder’s birth was very similar except that my water broke before any contractions began and the doctor figured since it was my first it would take awhile but – nope- 3 hours only.
We video taped the end of Saige’s birth and I am so happy to be able to go back and watch it. When you are there and the pain is so overwhelming it’s hard to remember everything and it’s so great to see it all unfold again. It all happened so fast that after she came out the nurses put her on me immediately and we were so wrapped up in the moment no one told us what we had just had. Finally one of the nurses remembered we didn’t know what the sex of the baby was- so that was pretty funny. At that point it doesn’t matter – all that mattered was the baby was in my arms.
Doug is the best partner ever for birthing. He helped me tremendously- he was able to calm my breathing and help me focus. It was truly a partnership.
I love hearing birth stories so if any of you would like to share your stories with me and possibly others (I can make a special “birth” page) to read. I think it’s so nice to hear all the wonderful stories. So often when you are pregnant people want to share all the “bad”/awful birth experiences and people get freaked out and think that there is no way they could handle birthing naturally. But women have done it that way for centuries. You have to put your mind in a different place trust your body and your partner and know that you will be strong and get through it. This time around I read Hypnobirthing and listened to the relaxation CD’s. I didn’t quite achieve hypnobirthing but it was another tool for me to have while I was birthing.
I am not trying to tell people how to do it or that if you decide to have an epidural your making a bad decision, I just want women out there to know that they are strong and that they can do it if they believe and want to. The main thing is to have your birth experience be safe for you and your baby – because it doesn’t always go as planned- you have to go with the flow sometimes. We almost had to have an emergency Cesarean with Ryder (they lost the heartbeat for a second- and they don’t mess around with that) but I rolled to another side and it came back – he must have been on the cord. But I knew whatever needed to be done to keep my baby safe was the main goal. Luckily everything was fine and he came out 2 pushes later.
I look forward to hearing your amazing stories.
Thanks for sharing